JoeLの部落♫ じòぴé 一点一滴♫

Showing posts with label 矛盾,. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 矛盾,. Show all posts

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

完成了一直逃避的问题,但是真的解决了吗?

放假了。

这个假期我做我一直以来都在逃避的事情,就是把我不属于我身体一部分铁和螺丝给拿出来。一直在欺骗自己他已经是我身体的一部分,虽然在我身体里已经6年了,他始终没办法和我融为一体。带来的只有麻烦和不舒服。


它们不止在我身体了挣扎了6年,也在我心里挣扎了6年

痛,逃避不了的就要去面对它,手术后最煎熬的12小时真的不好受,又热,又痛,又无能为力。只有不停的转换姿势告诉自己也许会有一个姿势会觉得比较舒服,不再那么痛。虽然一点用也没有,但还是就这样不停的换换换的度过了煎熬的12小时。

这个手术大致上时间都是自己一个人面对着进院后就自己拿着一个电话,一个portable charger和一本书傻傻的度过了无聊的第一天。还需要自己set 闹钟把自己5点叫起来冲凉换上进手术室的衣服。基本上就是一片布罢了,哈哈。

其实这个手术发现了我真的没什么朋友,只有2个朋友来探望我。虽然自己心里有数绝对不会有人来探望我,但是还是有所保留希望奇迹出现。我只能说帮再多人,给人家感觉你们有多爱心有什么用,自己朋友出事了都没有一句问候,一点关心慰问都没有。我只可以说我真的做错了决定和你们为伍。

才考完试的我现在最担心的也是我的成绩,我到底做错了什么,为什么怎么读都还是没办法好好完成考试。现在之后pray hard可以全部及格,不要去boot camp。2个星期的boot camp实在太累了。

这几天都和家人吃早餐,那些无知的uncle aunty 看到我包着脚拿着拐杖就认定我是车祸,还是不乖,还是不停劝。我真的服了这些人的想象力。还问我现在知道教训了嘛,我想都不想就立刻回答她,对我完全得到教训我要告诉大家不要那么积极的参加学校的活动,太积极得到就是这种下场!人家是因为运动受伤的,不知头,不知尾的就给我贴上标签。现在我都懒得解释如果你们要这样觉得就这样觉得吧。

最后来报个好消息吧,我终于拿到实习的机会了,应征了那么多公司,还好在进医院的前一天也就是最后一天去了所以的最后的应征。也那么幸运的被选上了,说难听一点其实他们也没什么选择了才会选到我啦。但是不要紧最重要的是我已经有人要了。哈哈。虽然工钱不多,但希望可以学到很多东西!加油嘉靖。

 明天5pm可以查成绩,希望不要提早收到email。提早收到就意味着bootcamp在向我招手。我真的一直在努力只要求一个pass,希望我的努力还是有被看到的!

**报告下吧,我全科及格,这就是所谓的ALL PASS。太高兴了,那么决定全国13MAY2014 是公共假期,来庆祝好了。

Saturday, November 30, 2013

残酷的现实



还真的有一段时间没有写写blog了,现在有点时间那么我就来写写吧。

读书真的对我来说比较好吗?完成了大学会让我的生活更加好吗?人家说放手去追求你觉得对你最好的,因为你并不知道最后那个对你最好。之前的我一直觉得继续读书对我是最好的,但是开始读书后想法改变了,残酷的现实不到我不去面对!!

也许我真的不是读书的料,再怎么读还是智障白痴。完全的准备最后得到的也才那么几分。一直问自己这个决定到底对吗?我有办法继续坚持下去吗?也许带着唯一的信念可以熬过这个恐怖夜晚。

我带着这个难得的机会闯到了这里,最后放弃不是很可惜嘛。我一定要僵持下去,一路顺利哪来的乐趣。现在我的最终目的地就是可以顺利的从SUTD毕业,不要拥有太多的渴望,面对现实。不是说你渴望的,你要求的一定会得到;也不是说你努力了,你拿出诚意了就会得到回报。现实是残酷了,努力也许只不过把你得到回报的几率调高,但是最终还是得靠命运来决定回报。

压力,对我的压力还真不小。钱,课业,人际关系。这一切的一切都是压力的来源,老实说我还真的挺担心我会不会因为金钱的问题辍学,也许还没到金钱问题前我就被课业给被逼辍学了,但是我绝对不会让这种事发生。虽然这样我还是相信努力是有回报的。因为明显的压力,尽然有人告诉我,再怎么困难,再怎样你都不要选择自杀,这是最难走的路,不要选择这一条路。

也许死了可以一了百了,但是我非常怕死,我完全没办法面对死亡,无论是我 你 他。我很努力的为自己的未来做最后的抗仗,无论是好是坏但至少我努力过,没有带着遗憾,至少我知道我靠了实力考进了新加坡大学,也许学习方面没有人家厉害,没有人家吸收的那么快,但是我很努力的跟上大家脚步。

我爱我自己,我相信我自己,我绝对会让自己活的一天比一天精彩。让这一切也许也没有也许。


Saturday, August 25, 2012

Work > Zouk Night Club > Desaru > Work Over Time > Dinner With Friends


YES another free time again, so just update something that I did in last long holiday (Hari Raya Holiday).

Work > Zouk Night Club > Desaru > Work Over Time > Dinner With Friends

From Friday 5.45am until Sunday 12am, 3days sleep less than 12 hours. Story defiantly start from working, ya after knockoff rush to Marcus’ house for bath and straight away depart toward Zouk night club for Yvonne’s Competition. So after the competition we were moving out to drink something and back into Club again. Seriously the music not really nice but ya a lot angmo inside so still not too bad lah. Donoe why keep on disturb by angmo when I sitting there and trying to rest awhile. The angmo just random wake me up and shout WAKEUP LET GO TO THE DANCE FLOW and see I got no mood she just leaving. I feel I am so popular for angmo.



We club until 3am-4am when we reach Marcus’ house is about 4.30am. Finally I can sleep now. Unfortunately I have to wake up again at 5.30am rush to admiralty mrt station back to Malaysia for DESARU trip. Ya all the way chat with my friend and paiseh sleep when he was driving since he work nightshift even tired then me I think. So when I reach Malaysia home about 7.30am and have to wake up again at 8.30am for breakfast and depart toward DESARU.

DESARU was not too bad just few of us 4+4. Get to know some new friends and ya nice playing with them. Gambling Gambling Gambling and finally BBQ time. Wow RM51 for a simple BBQ I feel is abit exp but they really buy a lot of meats all kind of meats so not too bad lah huh. Gambling really not a very good game for me I am losing about RM50 just in few hours.


When I reach home yes 1am already and have to wake up at 8am to work over time during HARI RAYA!!!!!!!! Depart from Malaysia at 9am reach Company about 11.45am waste a lot travel time. Just OT for 5 hours and leave company toward next gathering with secondary school’s friends for dinner. Seriously I am sooooooo sry to say that I can’t make it for singk section. After dinner finding a café to chit-chat to update each other. Then reach home almost 12am leh.

Fully use my holiday, and super tired when I come back to work although I can sleep a lot during Monday ganti holiday. This all week skip lunch taking lunch time for a nap and now IS FRIDAY. Weekend just 3 hours away from now, I am so excited and look forward my precious sleeping time and yamcha with my friends.

Now I am thinking of buying a car or moving house. So guy who read my blog pls advice me. Get a car and drive to pickup point in Malaysia to work or just stay in Singapore. The renter fee I think really can pay for the car interest.